You Won't Fool The Children of the Revolution

Lifetime

2012-01-18T17:41:00.000-08:00

Every time I think the movie is over
It's just a commercial break
Who knew I was living in a mini series
And not a movie of the week?
But the shot goes from wide to zoom
And I wonder who am I
Standing out in the cold
This week I am just the guy
Standing outside
Of the clinic.

Opera

2012-01-12T09:23:00.001-08:00

One time I laughed at a joke
During an Opera.
It was even in
Another language.
I was so proud of myself
For understanding
Well enough to laugh.
Now I realize I am always
Looking
For that.
A chance to understand things
Well enough to laugh.

Frozen

2012-01-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Dupont fountain is frozen
Its time that I start to
See that I am the
Same as the coins
Stuck on the
Bottom
There

Smells Like Smoke

2012-01-04T03:38:00.000-08:00

Your house burns
Down in flames.
Tell me when
You can tell
That your house
Smells like smoke...
Is it too
Late? Its too
Late I know
It is.

The First Year

2011-12-30T21:13:00.001-08:00

All comets keep moving

Until they find an orbit

Then its only a matter of learning

To enjoy the view.

Though some comets just crash

Into the surface

having faith in the places

They are crashing into.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-30T21:12:00.000-08:00

Sitting in silence
And knowing he is there.

Marlboro Red One Hundreds

2011-12-21T22:57:00.001-08:00

The world is happening around me and I can
See myself sit there, the American
As the banks fall and crumble down to their knees
Finally having the same money issues as me
And a new wave of hippies sits to lament
On guitars the struggle of the ninety nine percent
And the countries are screaming from poverty, disease
We wonder whats next for good ‘ol HIV
And wonder what it is that our children will see
And why a black president didn’t make us all free
I can’t help but see me
Doing the best I can
To not understand
See me. American.
It’s officially too much and I know I’m no use
To anyone when I’m in tears and I refuse
To let the way that world is being abused
Make my cigarettes burn any faster
Be it financial meltdown or medical disaster
I’m done
It’s enough
I’m through
Thank you
I did what I can
And I don’t have a plan
Love, American.

Lies

2011-12-20T10:03:00.001-08:00

I am a poet
Was not one of them.
I am
Was not one of them.
I
Was not one of them.

Stained Glass

2011-12-20T10:02:00.001-08:00

I have a hummingbird heartbeat
That’s all it is
When I was born my mother said
It was just beating so fast
When they laid me on her chest
Never mind the speed
I just don’t sleep
Because I love the moonlight
I’m an artist, you
Understand, of course.

I drift away to sleep
Slowly
On my sponsor’s couch
I remember the story my mother told me
Of how I was alone for the first few minutes of my life
Because they ran so many tests on me
And I remember how fast
I used to be able
To think of the most beautiful lies
While I watch the moonlight
Reflect through his stained glass
Hummingbird

Basement

2011-12-20T10:01:00.001-08:00

Every fucking where I go
When I put my head to the ground
I can hear louder than the rest of the noises
Somebody’s phone is vibrating
I cannot see how long I’ve been
Sober I cannot see how I am rebuilding
From the ground up while
I am still stuck in the rubble
All I can hear is what I am no longer
And the echoing crane truck promise noise
Of how wonderful this new structure will be
I cannot see how sober I’ve become
As I push with all of my might
A wooden board off of my face
And see a fence
At my construction site
With a big sign posted
Touting a painting of the building
That is ‘Coming Soon!’
It looks fantastic
And miles away from this hole
In the ground they say will be the basement
It looks so clean
I think
As I rest my head against
The rubble pile
And feel the vibrations of someone
Else’s cell phone somewhere
And I am reminded that all I really know
Is that it is not mine.

Wisest Is He...

2011-12-15T23:49:00.001-08:00

Once I took some ‘shrooms
And I sat by a brook
I threw stones at the water
And watched as I took
Fistfuls of pebbles
And great chunks of rock
And into the brook
I gave them a toss
And screamed
'I don’t know'
For six hours
I screamed at the stream
Like some sort of coward
Because I just did not know.

And everything it seems
Is just screaming
At me
That I do.
But I don’t.
I don’t know.

And they tell me that you do
They tell me you know
But I have some questions
As far as that goes.

Most important of all
Why do you tell me I know
When I don’t?

Because I don’t know.
So don’t look at me.
I would love the relief
Of just being me
For a day
I would love to know
That I’m not some savior
If only until
I can save
Myself.

But they tell me you know
So here it goes
Why the hell am I here
And why am I frozen?
How the hell do I follow the path that you’ve chosen?
And what business do I have with a choice, then
At all?

And if I am sick
Then will I be well?
And if this is just sick I can’t
Imagine hell
And if my sickness hurts
The ones that I love
And I didn't pick this from
A optional list...
Then why aren’t they sick?
Am I some catalyst?
And then what sense
Does any of it
Make
At all?

I don’t know.

But they tell me you know
And I should know you
So here is my chance to
Do what I’m told to
And here is my peace
To bring unto thee
If you just speak up
Then I’ll stop all this asking
But please promise me
That you won’t get tired
Of hearing me ask
Every time I get tired
Why?
Because…
I don’t know.

And I know.
For sure.
I don’t know.

But I do know
That in these moments
That I ask you
I don’t know
Who I am
Anymore

And I like the way
My replacement
Tastes

And so far they’re right
And they say that you know.
So I don’t know
Who I am.
I don’t know
A lot of things.

Unfortunate

2011-12-05T00:38:00.003-08:00

So you make a deal with the devil
But you find you can't breathe
And the worst of your trouble
You can't seem to speak
Call your friends say its time
And hold your breath deep
'Cause as sad as it is
It was the change that you need.

Oh

2011-12-05T00:38:00.001-08:00

Oh the things
My brain creates
Both dreaming
And awake.

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T00:22:00.000-07:00

I would rather own my life
As a person who spends every day surviving
Than give myself up to
An existence based on pushing myself
Towards lofty, unrealistic goals
That, when taken into context, are
Unfair
And call it 'daring to dream'.

For today
I dare to dream
Of my own best life.
Not someone else's.

Me, Personally

2011-10-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

I won't
Be expecting
A call
From him
Because
I can't
Be expecting
A call
From him.

Question

2011-09-21T21:24:00.001-07:00

For starters
Perfect answer

Rocking Chairs - Goodbye

2011-09-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

Tell me about the time
That you snuck into the party
For the girls and they all loved you
Tell me about the time you wowed the crowds as a waiter
When you rubbed salt on your wounds
The time you discovered Madonna
Tell me anything I ask
But you respond
By asking for a poem
A certain way
A certain idea
Jumping off point
You don’t just appreciate
As I’d hoped and for which
I was thankful
But you asked for more
You give me a list
As we sit in rocking chairs
On my front porch
And practice for our old age together
When I can ask you to tell me
About times you did things
That only act as reminders
Because I was there, too
And you can still be feeding me ideas
For poems
And I’ll eat them.

Of You

2011-09-07T01:47:00.001-07:00

I ask so many things
Of you
That I hardly have time to listen
And I find myself
After some time
Asking only as a test
To hear again 'yes'
Of you
While you blame it on your age
And blame it on your race
And blame it on your masculinity
Each of these true
But we both know the truth
That I am much better
At rubbing my eyes and blinking as a child
Tired
And wide-eyed
Is this true?
I wonder
Christmas
Fails
Beside this
While you are much better at listening
And saying yes
Because you are the only person I have met
Fully free to love
As stated in the rules
That say
Only love when you love yourself
Everyone else I know
Myself, god knows
Finds the path to self love
Inside of someone else
You've loved yourself so long
You've moved on to me
And I sit
Ever thankful
And you listen
While I am convinced
Which is more than I could ever ask
Of you

Him

2011-09-07T01:34:00.001-07:00

It was a man
Some man
A specific sort of prick
Who started the idea
Of power
Over women
Not with them

That idea caught on
As something scary
Entirely scary
To everyone
Not just women

It was a man
That pushed his way across the room
In front of your children
Into your face
And down your throat
It was a man
In particular

And it was every man
In between those two
That has suffered
From a fear
Of this scary idea
We must all dominate you
Provide for you
Perform at our best
And conceal all tender sighs

And it is this man
In particular
Myself specifically
Who respects that scary idea
Inside himself
With fear
And occasionally stops worrying about
What it does to you
Long enough to worry about
What it does
To himself

Long enough to hate
For a moment
The man down your throat
His lazy acceptance
Of this scary thing
Inside of him
Fed to him
That told him it was okay
That told him hitting you
Was appropriate

It is this man, still
This man I am
That struggles
With understanding
That man
Too
Because the same voice that told you to stay with him
Told him to make you leave
It is a big, scary thing
That voice

You are one woman
Though
In the know
And someone who took the chance
To see that voice
Objectively
One woman
Much later
Aware
Of what
Was there
Then
Now

We are not to be forgiven
For our sins against you
We are not to be lamented
For our side of the pain
We are expected to be brilliant
And that should still remain
We are required to be open
To the power we've been given

To use it for good
To give it away
And
To notice
Yours
Too.

We cannot undo the guns at our sides
We use them to pee
But we use them to plant
Just as easily
As we use them to kill

Now you are one woman
With room for one last man
A specific sort of man

And I am just one man
Who cannot change the world
At once
But can explain it
Over and over again

And I will show you what
Your one last man will do
From a lens reserved for my eyes only
And give you a glimpse
Of what real is
Really what is

I ask only that you keep
Covering your ears
To the scary voice
When that one last man
Finally
Whispers
Into them.

,even

2011-07-09T23:31:00.000-07:00

We saw the seed tonight
We looked into the moments
We loved each other the most
We saw the seed that lived behind
In isolation
Behind the thing itself
The moment
Whether it was my love for you
When I see you in the passenger’s seat
Dancing and singing while I drive
Or the moments I live for
When you are at your least desirable
Embarrassing and otherwise awkward
Or when anger is spit forth in passionate rage
The least desirable moments
The moments I love admitting aloud, even
That I am still happy to love you
Or the even the moments when I know you well enough
To know when you’re bullshitting at a party
All of the moments that I love you
All of the reasons
Your car seat butt warmers, even
All of the reasons
That I love you
Contain the seed we saw

And what we saw we’ll never forget
And we’ll look for it in everything we do

I saw your soul run from your core
With electric intensity out of you
Through your mouth
Into my kiss
And into the center of me
It was a two way street
And I felt a piece of me
Over in your seat
Like Hawaii
My far out island
But mine

And now I can see the personality I have
When I am with you
As is with everyone I know
In 2s
As a duo
This third personality
Not you
Not me
But me and you
And me in you
And you in me
Responsible for both personalities
And not in control of our own
But just as everyone I know
In 2s
Has this place we both live
They don’t have you
Like We do
And the love we have
Inside our third relationship
Leaves us talking at 2am
On the front porch each weekend
About how good this is
Like we were the only ones in the world
Who know how to be in love
Because if the whole world know this
There wouldn’t be the wars there are
Our love finds us posting whole albums of pictures
Of the two of us kissing
All over the internet
Proclaiming from the modern day rooftops
On a regular basis how in love we are
I get battle scars
From our love
I walk with hickees like it’s the 8th grade
And can’t help but live the way I want to live
And be proud of the sex that we’re having
Our love finds us
Constantly now
Pulsing like lightning through kisses
And pushing us to our feet
Inside every moment we get

Two Directors

2011-06-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Walter is an old man. Walter is a camera man.

Walter: Whats total crap about the story of the two directors everybody keeps talking about is that I was there. Yeah, I saw that shit back in my day. I worked for a temp agency that sent me to Walgen Icons and I kept a job there hired on as a permanent for about three years then I too also worked for a the other guys, Dignett Pictures, too. The beginning parts are true, I have no issues there. They met in school back in their days together at the start. Thats when they were more friends than anything those days. And Mr. Alden, the guy who ended up getting billions working for Walgen making crap movies, he was one of the stars. And Mr. Diret, the hippie indie director guy, he was the other. They totally went their separate ways after school. Alden played his money, he bought his own studio, he found where the money was, he pimped it. Diret, on the other hand, stayed a director worked years to find his audience, kept things artsy you know? Well they had a rivalry of course because thats what comes with power, is this 50% of it is defense of it ordeal. Power sucks, I know, I watched it. And in that rivalry the two men wanted to show off to the other that they could make more happen in all the places, not just their own. So Alden opens a little side-studio for indie films and Diret gets picked up by a different mega-studio to make summer blockbusters for a while. Yeah, they both did good, sure, okay. A little ‘Parent-Trap’ switch theme, very inspiring. They rekindle their friendship. But this is where I have a problem.
They didn’t just rekindle their friendship. I mean to say it wasn’t just them. See the women they were with when they met for dinner the first time after all of this, actually, they were the ones who did the fixing. See Alden was married to his wife who had Bi Polar disorder. And Diret had a teenage daughter who had Borderline Personality Disorder, which is very similar I hear. Anyway, the two women were able to help one another. They connected in a way. And they both helped each other realize, is the thing, that their disorders had come from the lifestyles of their men, and the styles of the movies they made.
Mr. Alden’s wife was overwhelmed by the pressure she felt from all that stifled sort of life she was leading always looking good for the cameras and all of that rich bullshit. And the Diret girl was always worried so much with living her centered energies and dramatic truths and all that other bullshit that she was never allowed to just relax and say fuck it, you know?
Anyway it was a beautiful story to watch. They started meeting on the sets until eventually it was a known thing. They were friends in this weird Thelma and Louise Romeo and Juliet kind of motif. Anyway thats what kills me. Its not really public talk, I know they’d do some disrespectful lesbian cougar homophobic thing on it or something. But we watched it. We knew. We saw. It was those two that really made the story for me. Its just crap sometimes that this story seems so stupid and easy to people who have no idea. No idea.

June

2011-06-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

This night air
Has a breaking light
Through the clouds
Purple like in comic books
Across the light blue sky
Starless from the city
But lit up just the same
By a full
Yellow moon
This warm night air
Has a firework
In a suburb
On a summer’s night
No where near the 4th of July
Just one
Just one little defiance, no biggy
But accidentally perfect in its straight shot
Straight up
And perfectly round
Like a disco ball
In a gay club
Somewhere else
On this warm night

I spoke to her about the things we’ve missed
Since she moved to Arizona
I cut my hand in Turks & Cacos
I went into the water anyway with a plastic glove and some band aids
I should’ve gotten stitches
But I’m an addict
To the water
I spoke to her and remembered what I told myself I’d do when I first met her
I would be on her level
I would make the changes
I would come back from countries
Like the Congo
Or Laos
Or other places Missouri people never speak of
And have stories like this
Of bravery
And life
My friends are moving out of the country
So thats why I spent this weekend with them
Her friends are from everywhere
And because she is here
I am everywhere
But I’d better get started being there on my own
I know
Because this one flies on the breeze
And chases the moon
Around the sky

And where will it be that you go
This next time you leave my side in our bed
Called to your work in the countries I cannot fathom going to
Where will it take you
How long will you be gone
When will you leave
What kind of day will it be
It hurts only all the more because you’ve got no choice
And what you do helps the world
And you will miss me I know
It only hurts more that you will also count days
In the back of my mind it lives
This looming cloud in time
Working its way towards me
As I listen to stories from friends
Of trips around the world
And I smile
It is there in the pit of my stomach
This knowing I will soon long for you
But I feel the breezes
Alive on the night
While I whisper reassurances
I feel your touch in the night

But I watch her smile while she’s laughing
And I think that she is a lot like me, too
I notice her forgetful moments
As she tells me a story
Within a story
With such enthusiam
That I share
And I know that my path hasn’t strayed
Ever
So far that I cannot get back to what it is
That isn’t yet
But still very much is an is

In the boggy humidity of the night
There is a certain sense of water
Like being under the ocean
Suspended half way down
Watching jellyfish light up
In a chorus all around you
But the jellyfish are lightning bugs
And the ocean is inside you
And while you may feel heavy
The water starts to slosh
And you just ride the waves.

Mistakes I've Made

2011-05-22T12:37:00.001-07:00

I was trying to light a second candle
From one that was already burning
So I held the second candle
Upside down
On top of the burning first
Wax melted
Dripped and mixed
The wick remained cool
I pushed them closer to one another
There wasn't enough room for either
To breathe
The first flame suffocated
A drip of wax fell
And then
There was no fire left at all
Only the mixed wax
I took a lighter from my pocket
I lit both the candles
On my own
Which I could have done
The whole damned time.

Because

2011-05-22T10:05:00.001-07:00

I don't love you because you love me.
I love you.

I don't love you.
Because you love me
I love you.

I don't love you
Because you love me.
I don't love you.

I don't love me.
Because you love me.
I don't.

I don't love you because.
I love you.

I love me.
I love you.
I don't because.
I love.

The King and the Prince

2011-05-16T22:41:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms side by side. These two kingdoms were friendly most of the time, but they had kept to themselves mostly for many years. That was until the Leo monarchy took control of one of the kingdoms. It was around this same time that the Pax monarchy took control of the other. After these two kingdoms came to be, King Leo took initiative and went to see King Pax. King Leo looked to form a solid alliance between the two kingdoms once and for all. They were both kingdoms of success and power, and harbored no ill-will toward one another. There wasn’t any reason the two shouldn’t publicly announce an official friendship, he thought.

And King Leo went to meet with King Pax. The two Kings were delighted in conversations, and instantly bonded over the issues they both faced in their powerful positions. However, there were a few issues they could not bond over. King Leo could not relate to King Pax’s complaints of his son, Prince Pax. King Leo could not relate to any complaints of family matters at all, you see, because he had none. He was given his power as a young boy and, despite growing into a man, he’d not yet found a wife to bear him a son.
Similarly, King Pax could not relate to King Leo’s wishes to find a family, because King Pax was always worried by the stresses of his own. King Pax was always fussing over his son, the Prince. He was a young man near fully adult. And yet the Prince had never expressed any interest in ruling, power, or leadership. The Prince never showed any interest in finding a princess to rule with. This angered King Pax, and he desperately searched for a solution. Every time he would send his son to mentors and scholars in hopes he would learn to change his ways, they Prince would run away night after night until there seemed to be no hope for him at all.
And this is truly how the story began. When the two kings met, they drank and laughed and moaned their grievances. In the wee hours of the morning the two kings realized they could help one another. King Pax asked King Leo to take his son on a hunting trip. He asked King Leo to teach him how to hunt, how to be a man, and speak to him of leadership and power. In return, King Leo asked King Pax to look for him a lover while they were gone. King Pax agreed to the arrangement, and the plan was set into motion.

The Prince was not pleased to hear about his hunting trip. He was terrified, actually. And he was beside himself with depression as he was unable to tell another soul why he didn’t wish to go with the King.
Once, long ago, when the Prince was just a little boy-no more than 3 years old-he was playing in the woods behind his castle. He wandered off a bit too far, but he still had courage when he was that age. He roamed further and further into the woods until the day began to sink into the night, slowly. When he turned around to return to the castle, he was met by an evil, magical woodsman.
The Woodsman lived all alone in the forest as an outcast from the kingdom. He wished so badly to seek revenge on the kingdom by taking power over the entire land no matter how he had to do it. And so he waited in the woods and studied magic for years. Those years turned into decades. And those decades led him to that certain night when he met the young Prince Pax. He did not harm the boy right away, but rather placed a spell on him before he let him go. The spell he placed on the Prince had many motives.
According to the spell, each night the Prince would turn into a hairy, sharp-toothed wolf and run into the woods. He would then have no choice but to sit, heartbroken and howl a painful cry to the moon until sunrise. This spell, the Woodsman hoped, would keep the Prince from ever learning to take power or control over his people, and it would keep the boy in need of comfort for the rest of his life. And with a weak Prince, the monarchy would be much easier to manipulate when the time came for the Prince to take his seat as king. That was when the Woodsman planned to strike against the kingdom. But he needed more time to study his magic before his assault.
And that is why the spell worked well in another way. With the sounds of a wolf howling night after night, the people of the kingdom began to fear the woods at night. And when the people were afraid of the woods, they would never come looking for the Woodsman. This gave the Woodsman all the privacy he needed to study magic and plot his revenge.
But the Prince knew he could never tell anyone in the kingdom of his curse. So he acted out in every way he could otherwise. He refused to be seen after sundown. He refused to take command when instructed to. He knew that if he was ever to be made king, he would fail, and let his people down. And most of all, the Prince felt scared that he would never allow himself to love a princess and make her his partner in ruling. And no king had ever ruled alone. This is why he did not want to go hunting with King Leo in the woods. But the Prince had no choice but to obey his father. His father was the king.

The King and the Prince finally met for the first time on the day of their hunting trip. It was a cold, foggy morning. The Prince had refused to get out of bed on time and was dressed for warmer weather. When he came out of his castle to meet the King, he was surprised to find warmth in his eyes. He stopped and admired the King from afar before collecting himself and walking closer for introductions. The King was also taken aback by the Prince. He instantly knew before any words were exchanged that the Prince was cold in the chilly morning air, and offered the Prince his jacket. The Prince accepted with a warm smile, hoping to match the warmth he felt from the King’s eyes.
They were led to the entrance of the forest by a band of helpers, but the King insisted they begin the trip officially by themselves. And thus began their trip into the woods.
The King was a very skilled hunter, on top of many other things he was also good at as a King. As a matter of fact, the King was known throughout his and other kingdoms as one of the best hunters in the world. Most people did not know, however, that he was cursed with one very inconvenient fear: wolves. The reason the King was as great as he was at all things experienced Kings are good at was because he started his reign at a very young age.

When the King was a young boy, no older than 10 or 11, he was visiting the forest with his family. It was a peaceful day. He remembered laughing, playing with his sisters, and gathering rare leaves for his father on scavenger hunts.
But when night started to fall and his family began their trip out of the forest, they came upon a pack of angry wolves. These wolves were sent by the evil, magical Woodsman to kill the entire royal family. However, the feast in which the wolves made of the poor King’s family included every single member of the Leo’s except for the orphaned King. From that age forth he was the ruler of his kingdom, and vowed to do his best to protect his people until the day he died. Nothing scared him. He hardened into a stoic, strong man. But he never conquered his overwhelming fear…of wolves.

Luckily for the Prince, the King was only planning to stay in the forest a few hours and come back well before sundown. The Prince was unaware of the King’s phobia, but he knew well he’d best get home before the woods were overwhelmed with shadow.
The hours passed, and the King seemed to actually have a knack for teaching the Prince. He was able to bring the shy boy out of his shell and soon they were laughing, sharing stories, and walking hand in hand.
Just when it seemed that the day was a success, the two men fell into a deep hole dug as a trap by the evil woodsman. In his greatest plan yet, the two kingdoms were sure to fall. The Prince would have no choice but to eat the King at sundown and the King would be defenseless. And how would the people react when the Prince came home in the morning with the King’s blood in his mouth? The Evil Woodsman was delighted.

While down in the hole, the two men cared for one another. They calmed each other’s nerves. Eventually there was no choice but for the two of them to admit their weaknesses to one another, seeing as they were soon to be an issue.
When the King admitted his fear first, the Prince was heartbroken. He had begun to fall madly in love with the King and felt somehow the King could possibly have been his savior. Now he knew he, himself, would be the very reason the King would die unless he could get out of the forest and away from the King. \
And when the Prince cried and admitted his curse, the King was overwhelmed with shame. He had never once faltered as a King, and now that he, too, was falling in love with the Prince, he would be unable to save the first and only love of his life.

Night fell. The King was terrified as he watched the Prince slowly morph into a young, healthy, dangerous looking wolf. And then he heard the sad wolf’s song. It made him cry instantly. While others in the town had complained of this terrible noise for years now, it was the King’s first time hearing the wolf cry. And he was instantly overwhelmed with empathy and depression upon hearing the sound. He wanted to help, but he had no choice but to stay on the other side of the hole and watch in sadness.

It was then that the Evil Woodsman pulled the King and the wolf out of the trap hole with his magic powers and through them on the ground in front of him. Night was the time for the Evil Woodsman to strike. And now he knew was the perfect time to make sure the King and the Prince met their sad fate.
But, to the Woodsman’s surprise, the wolf never attacked the King. He simply moved closer to the King looking for comfort. He was crying his song towards the King now, and not the moon. But the King remained defenseless and moved away from the wolf each time, trying to remain calm. His heart was broken, but he could do nothing.
The Woodsman was furious that the wolf would not kill the King. And he started to attack him. He kicked him in the ribs over and over again.
Just as the torture began, the King was possessed with a power he had never known before. It was a power that came from his heart. He pulled his sword from his sheath and went to attack the Woodsman.
The Woodsman, however, was a skilled fighter and a dirty one, at that. He used magic to melt the King’s sword, and began to beat the King instead in an epic hand-to-hand battle.
It was a mighty fight that lasted what seemed like hours. The wolf stayed, hurt, on the side of their battle grounds, howling at the moon.
After a long while, however, the King was badly hurt. When the wolf stopped looking at the moon for a short moment, he saw that the King would certainly be killed if he were to take one of more the Woodsman’s blows.
And in that magical moment, the human Prince inside of the wolf imagined what his life would be without the King. He thought of continuing his life of hiding and unhappiness. He thought about what would come of him knowing forever that he watched as the one man he had ever loved was destroyed in front of him. And in that moment, the wolf’s song became the most loud, beautiful, astounding song ever made by any animal.
The shear force of this howl’s song instantly made the Woodsman’s ears bleed. He was rendered defenseless instantly. And yet the King was overwhelmed with love when he heard the song of his wolf. He thought of a life without him, and how sad and lonely his Kingdom would be without his love to rule beside him. And it was then that the King rose to his feet, and with one well placed and powerful punch, knocked the Woodsman’s head off of his body and saved the forest from his evil.

The wolf melted back into the Prince as the night birds slowly began their chirping once again. The King and the Prince embraced instantly and shared, there in the moonlight, love’s first kiss.
They returned to the worried kingdom the next morning and announced their engagement. There was a joyous celebration, and all of the kingdom’s people attended. The two kingdoms were joined from that day forth, and there was never another complaint of late-night howling from the town again.
The King went on to be a powerful and fair ruler for the rest of his life. He never once again feared anything or let any invaders attack his people. He knew now why he was such a protector. His life’s purpose was to protect his lover, the Prince, and he would never fear anything again.
The Prince became a loving and peaceful friend to all of his people. Since he no longer harbored his secret pain, he was able to speak freely as he wished. And it turned out he was a lovely, pleasant man just waiting to be there for his people whenever they needed him.
The King and the Prince were finally together, after saving one another in the battle for their lives. And they lived happily ever after….

Something Else

2011-05-15T16:27:00.001-07:00

The reason is clear
Why we shouldn't fight
Because we're gonna win
No matter what
When we work together
And we'd be much better off
Winning something else.

Say

2011-05-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

When all is said and done
Then there's nothing left to say

I threw angry words across the room and watched them bounce
Off of the chest I normally lay my head on
And I held on tight to the post of the bed frame
While peace tried to pull me away
From our fight

And you stood there like an oak tree
Laughing at the winter
Loosing all of your leaves
But refusing to react

And we both became the winter
And the room was very cold
But little did we know

That inside you were begging
Me to stop yelling and just hug you
And all I really wanted
Was for you to hold me down

It wasn't until we looked
On accident into the eyes
Of the other lover in the fight
That we both started to cry
And stopped
And collapsed
And instantly bounced back

All is fair in love and war
And there's nothing left to say

I remember when we were walking
Showing off down on P street
And we passed a drunk man stumbling
And falling from his cab
And we both realized
At the same time
That he had pissed his pants
And his friends were laughing
And we were laughing
But I cannot remember

Saying any words
We just met with our eyes
And smiled

You take and take
And there's more and more
Until there's nothing more to say

I remember our worst fights
And the roots we looked to find
Of why
God why
Did we fight this way

And after all the bullets landed
And the smoked cleared away
We sat holding each other
And finally said out loud

"I don't think you can handle
What kind of person I am
And if you don't think you can
I understand.
Just leave now."

And we both laughed at each other
Because we agreed we felt the same
That the other was insane
For thinking
We were ever going anywhere.

I do not lie
I know you're mine
And there's nothing left to say

But mostly I remember
That time I needed you most
When my head was in the pillows
And my feet were cold
And my fever was high
And my eyes were like faucets
And you were scared for me
And I was scared for you
And we didn't quite know
What the hell to do
But we knew exactly
What we both needed
So you took off your shoes
And laid down beside me
And we were silent
And we crushed
The space between us
And let the silence
Do the talking
And it was then and there
That we began the truth
I will always need
You

And you will never know
Nothing more to say
Because there's more than just
Now that is at stake
And there will always be
More than enough
To say

And when we find that there is nothing
Coming to our mouths
Our words are still loud
In there silence.

At the Station

2011-05-15T16:09:00.003-07:00

What would you say
If I called you to tell you
I was still waiting where you left me
At the station?
And that I chose not to go
Because the noise hurt my ears
And the train moved in the wrong direction?
What would you do
If I asked you
To come back and meet me again?
Because there will be days
When a train that speeds fast
And pulls me away from you
Will not be an option
For me.

The Real Estate of Words

2011-05-15T16:09:00.001-07:00

Its not your fault
That I love you

But it is your fault
That I am beautiful.

Flat Tire

2011-04-12T04:02:00.001-07:00

All of the ‘Them’s
That are a ‘Him’
All of the ‘They’s
That make me
Misbehave
Are headed
Towards resting
On his chest
In between
My cheek
And he
The sheets
Will sing
And love will be free
To take a sweet
Stab at me
And he
And we
Will see
That sugary
Knife
Inside
Now resides
By our thighs
As to remind
Us of the nights
When we both just lie
Down beside
Each other and sigh
Knowing tonight
There is no ‘but’
Stopping us
No cuts
To wonder
And fuss
Over, just
Us
Under
The sheets
And dreams
We’ll see
When we
Shut
The ruckus
Off and just
Breathe
In peace
And bleeding
Our hearts on the sheets
It’s worth certainly
Remembering
That sometimes things
Aren’t as they seem
Flat tire’s are there
When you aren’t prepared
And you’re just spared
From the death that scares
You right there
Long enough for prayer
And to pull over
But you’ve got no spare
And no one could care
Less as they tear
Past you like they’re
In some hurry
So you sit and stare
For hours like there
Is no air
In your body
Until finally that rare
Moment is there
And you are spared
Any more waiting
Rewarded for patience
We are remembering
Sometimes things
Aren’t as they seem
When luck runs out
Leaving you shouting
And banging the wheel
Of your automobile
And the only thing that you
Can do
Is wait for your cue
Because your tire blew
Never does one
Come so undone
That one loses
Sight of the future
Somewhere
You’re aware
That you won’t be there
Forever.
Flat tires are truth
But thats not exclusive
Love is the truth
Too
And just because knives
Shred tires sometimes
Doesn’t mean I
Can’t see that knives
Are exactly just like
All things in life
Sometimes
A kinfe
Can cut through the lines
So blurry that I
Was made blind
Was held back from my
Other side
My
Lover and me
We sleep beneath sheets
And remember when we
Blew a tire to pieces
And laugh when we
See
The history
Of that story
And bleed
And breathe
And breed
Our ‘He’s
And ‘We’s
Into each
Other and sheets
And sleep
While we seep
Because that's exactly
What we
Agreed
That we
Both need
When finally
The side
Of the road passed us by
And we met with a sigh
By our bedside
And smiled

When They Stop Vacuuming

2011-04-12T03:05:00.001-07:00

I sit and think
At the most odd hours of day
With old and heavy eyelids
Too old to be my own
But grown that way
From a life of days
Unlike my age group
Or so I think
And I think
When they stop vacuuming
I will focus as I need
And be free
Of this rolling boil
I have been stuck inside
But how can I create
When thats not really what I do
How can I expect
Myself to move
From my seat
And meet my day
Head on
When what I do is write
Poetry
The essence of poetry is laziness
Its what makes poems survive
Through time
Its their lack of activity
Or agenda
Its their consistent
Sitting
And starring
And saying what needs to be heard
Softly
Silently
With old and heavy eyelids
And for the most part
Poetry waits for you to walk up to it
On your smoke break
And overhear
What you needed to hear
Clearly
And until then
It thinks
When they stop vacuuming
I will start to yell
My poetry does not know when that day will come
And wonders if maybe
One day
A fire will eat it instead
When the same people who have never heard of it
Burn this place down
Because
They’ve never heard of it
But I am never worried
I would not grab my hard drive
In a fire
Because poetry doesn’t get lost
In the fire
It jumps
Into the flames
Knowing exactly when to enter
And when to exit
My poetry is not me
I think
I would put the fire out
I think
I would prevent the cause
But the only way I know how
Is poetry

The Weatherman

2011-04-12T02:50:00.000-07:00

So I guess I am
The weatherman
And I just keep on changing
Just about the time I think
I can play in flip flops and cargo shorts
I find myself bundled
Huddled
In a corner missing
Life
Breath
Warmth
Only so that
No sooner than I’d changed
I am holding onto the heavy baggage
Of a backpack stuffed to the brim
With an overcoat I don’t need anymore
My back hurting from the
Back and forth
And so hate me, if you will
The weatherman
Responsible for these changes
Find me to be a frustration
To your day
Wonder why I ping-pong
With no rhyme or reason
But mind the season
Because no one said that Spring was easy
No one promised you buds
Not covered
In frost
And you can spend your time
Like mine
Wondering what comes next
Setting expectations
And losing
Or you can spend your time
With me
Understanding that no matter what comes next
The best
For the situation
Is all that you need know
To be the forecast

90s America

2011-04-12T02:39:00.001-07:00

Only God ever
Killed gay boys
Before Matthew Shepherd

Cannula

2011-04-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

Pavlov's dogs were not puppies
They were full grown dogs
Our subconscious is still growing
Going and
Developing

90210

2011-04-12T02:37:00.001-07:00

More than just the fashion
Of a time
Is captured on a television show
It is impossible
To isolate
The arts

The Alone Position No. 2

2011-03-28T03:16:00.003-07:00

This is the hour I need
The most
I need the most from someone
The most holding
And patting
And soft, murmurs of reassurance
That I can get
This is the hour that I need
To experience the most
Because no matter when this hour comes
It always comes when I am alone
It is the worst
And it haunts me like nothing else
And it always comes.
This hour
So I sit here
And I realize
After smelling his t-shirt
And looking at old pictures
And wondering why I have enough estrogen to hate this feeling
But not enough to cry
I realize
That I am not alone
In this depression
Because this is not a new depression
It isn’t one of modern medicine
And there is nothing I can take
Nothing I can
Discuss using ‘I statements’ with a therapist
That will make it go away
Until it is ready
And I realize this while listening to heartbreaking instrumentals
“Nadia’s Theme”
“Wings”
“Pucchini’s Waltz”
“Eyes on Me”
This
Heartbreak
This thing has been around for centuries
This thing has been around as long as love has
And suddenly the room is filled with
Allen Ginsberg, Andy Warhol, Ani Difranco, Alexander the Great, Aileen Wuornos
Lucile Ball, Lysistrata
Oprah
Nadia, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Nancy Sinatra
Ellen Degeneres, Ellen Barkin, Elizabeth Taylor
And I do not feel alone
I know they are with me in this struggle that does nothing
Other than place me in a category of humanity
Where my only option is to mourn the loss
Of what I was still planning
Hoping
Of doing with my lover
And the loss
Of what I was planning
On doing
In my own life
Before he came
And went
And knowing that now is a time to analyze what I am
And what I am not
As made certain by this inevitable journey
Then get back to what I was planning
On doing
Before he got here
Before I left
And since I’ve come
To this new place
Filled with the faces
Of invisible broken hearts

Gasping

2011-03-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

I don't speak much about my nipples rings.
I rarely say it at all.
My nipples are pierced.

When I turned 18 they were all I knew I wanted
Since then I have gotten 6 tattoos
All that I believe in
As images that did not push
And insist
Themselves into my skin
But
Snapshots of my story
And the part of myself
That is deepest inside of me
Pictures that traveled all the way from the center of me
And then burned themselves onto me
From the inside out.

But those came later
With thought
The nipple rings
Came first
With feeling

Because a body that has chosen

To pierce a hole
And accept
And grow with
A choice to add a twinkle
Of metal
To catch the sunlight

That body
Has lost its chance
With time
To illicit the same reactions
Of bewilderment
Causing housewives to clutch
Their pearl necklaces
That it has had
In the past

And yet a simple studded earing
With a simple little diamond
Not even a giant gapping hole
In the ear of a teenager you know
Will live to regret it later
Is ever the same in substance
Because unlike the

Nipple ring

Another modern pierce will
Not
Turn
You
On

as a concept, alone.

And then make you shake your head
Because you didn't choose that thought.

Because that thought does not fit with the current
Immediate
Moment

I am tanning at the suburban neighborhood pool
I am changing, backstage
I am mowing my lawn

And that moment
That creates a feeling
You have no choice
But to shake away

Is the essence
Of every bit
Of my performances
No matter how
They are performed

I'll say that its attention
That I need
If that makes it livable
For others
But I will always know
That I need
More than just the stage
I need a crowd
That is gasping.

The Slump

2011-03-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

I try a lot of things in my
Aesthic presentation
That are irregular.
I do these things
Because
I have been blessed with a creative eye
In all areas
That I experience. I try things
Based on how they affect me
Unlike the unfortunate masses who are
Doomed
To listen
And consume
But never produce.
This mindset sets me
In the category of creation
Which is not a given
Of humanity alone.
And when I fail to express the message of
My look
I fall hard
And find it easy to
Remember the process of unpopularity
Because the oppositions to my choices
Are from those who formed
A deep opinion
Quickly
From my presentation.
However,
Remember.
When I perform successfully, I do so
In a way that creates an artistic ripple
Around me
That influences many
And changes the lens
In which all of my peers
View the general aesthetic of our time.
I am a creator.
And so much so
That even when I create
The bounds of what is acceptable
By showcasing what is not-
What is over the line
I am still fossilizing
What exists
And holding steady
The path for which all current influencers
Are herding those masses.
I am not a lethargic person.
I never sloth.
And the next time I
Pursue
Entirely
A detailed memorization
Of that which holds me back in expression
And suffer
From that which is otherwise
A rhythm of life
To be respected
I will remember the times in which
I am gifted
The reward of living
As an inspiration
Holding up the slump
Of an obedient otherwise.

One Hand

2011-03-02T02:12:00.000-08:00

This is the sound of a one-handed poem
See, I will love you with one hand tied
If that’s what part of me needs to believe
If there is a section of my domestic
Ikea, lunch break, levelheaded, adult decisions
Paranoid brain
Always obsessed with assurance that I am maturing
At an acceptable rate
That has to believe that accepting every single term
Of our love
Means somehow that I am tying back an arm
I will take that
Because that is the arm that swings wildly in the air
With all of my Italian gusto
My redneck dramatics
And my artistic, undiagnosed creative sensibilities
That never seem to make up their mind
About who I am today
That is the arm that cannot yet trust
That a love this deep is real
Because it is far too used to fighting back
To get used to the idea
That I have nothing to fight back against
Because even the worst of us
Is wrought with an overwhelming
Undertone of total, and complete love
The kind of arm that needs to sit down,
Shut up,
And accept you
I will tie down that hand
And use the other to speak to you only in calm love
Because I know that no matter what my guarded ego
Tells me
The vulnerable portion of my heart that is locked inside a treasure chest
Deep inside an ocean somewhere
Is not just the side of me I am scared of you rejecting
It is the side of me I need to show you
The most
With my hand untied
I give you the key
And the map
To that part of myself
And I give you my blessing
To seek and find
Please
Go quickly
Because you might have noticed I live inside of a beat
That may be precious and frail
But is not soft and sweet
Because it is a beat so quick
That it might be mistaken as youth
It is not my youth
It is the speed in which I seek
And find

And baby,
I know now that with you I can keep that speed
Because you will
Come to know
That I love you
Just as hard as I fight you
And while you are addicting
To the point of tears and withdrawals
To every single man you meet
And most of all to me…
I, too, am the highest
You have ever felt
In a way you cannot live without
And our powerful affects
On one another
Are a constant
No matter how at peace we are
I have a techno, house, choppy
Electronic, post-Bush
Present day, hypnotic beat
Rhythm to my life
And you are a remixed collage of beautiful
Noise repeating within it
Like it or not.
But baby,
You only need to love
Your promotion to percussion in my life
Because you sound like an angel
Like an angel minced among
This slideshow of my life, repeating
I am willing to forego the parts of me
I am not certain of
In sacrificial respect of the parts
I know to be as certain as a global rotation
That also exists inside this poet
When you set ablaze the fiery tween girl
Inside me spewing out Seventeen magazine
Relationship quiz advice
You have not
You never can
Burn that actual epic frontier lover
That waits in front of a breathless horizon
For his soul mate to return from
Whatever has separated us
I used to remain inside
But now
We remain inside
Underneath every scar of uncertainty
And cracks of broken
That will exist over time
I know to be certain
Only a few things
Strong enough cause me
To tie down my hand
And bite my tongue
In order to
Once and for all
Let my heart do the talking.

Cupid's Place

2011-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

Love is like a house
And thank god that it is!
Because Love don't always come
With a house to have it in

While my man and I were standing
In a kitchen making Chai
Cupid was the landlord
And he couldn't pass us by

We barely even noticed
His arrow plunge into
Our hearts as we enjoyed
An empty living room

And Cupid didn't notice
As we screamed and moaned
As he walked through the hallways
On his telephone

Cupid simply knew
The job he had done right
But, Cupid, hear our praise
For all our sleepless nights

As we built our house
We knew we couldn't live
In a hollow space
Until it was finished

And as we set a place
In our dinning room
Always know that there
Is a place for you

Because Love is like a house
But ours is incomplete
Without our friend, Cupid
There to rest his wings

Follow

2011-02-16T23:40:00.001-08:00

It shoots out from me
While a quiet solo guitar
Plays a quiet simple song
It shoots out from me and jumps into the city skyline.
The same city skyline I dreamed of
As a child
Past the same stoplights I dreamed would light my nights
Through the same apartment condos
And row houses I was wishing to live in
While I wasted in my trailer park town
As a boy
Through every sidewalk tree's rustle
To a house somewhere
Where you sit
The man of my dreams
My childhood wish
To your heart
And I realize I am here
In my city
With my dreams
My life
In front of me
My man a short distance
Away
Able and ready to follow my heart
All the way back
To my chest

The Music - For D.

2011-02-03T01:08:00.000-08:00

If you want
I am here
But also know
I have been there
Where you are
And I hesitate to ask
'If you want...'
Because I know that cold
The sweat and the strange
The drawn out punishment
I know the last thing
Right now
You know
Is what you want...
But I also know
You'll find it
And I promise you
What you really want
Is still there
Inside
Somewhere
My friends
Myself
We know
We have heard our music screech to a halt
Before
But we also know
What it sounds like
When our music
Starts to play
Again
So sing to me
Play for me
(I know you still can)
How you want to want
Only
The music
And nothing else
Anymore

Observations

2011-02-03T01:04:00.000-08:00

When my lower back is cold
Your hands are warm
When my hands are calloused
Your hands are soft
When I'm feeling tired
You've just brewed us chai...
And when I've been scolded
For the way I love myself
When I've been handed
Weights made for my back
When I've laughed off connections
In favor of surface-value celebrity
And when I'm finally exposed
And no one is around
Your lips tell me I'm there
In the place I need to be
You're suddenly all hungry
For taking on more weights
And you barrel like a champion
Through the walls I'm putting up
You walk in to see me sitting
In the corner in a ball
And you sit down and join me
Until I smile again

How to Know You're in Love

2011-01-26T22:01:00.001-08:00

Go ahead
And try and swallow
This that my lover and I
Have come to know
This precious flotation
Try and drown our fingers
Interlaced
And our laughter
Booming
Just don't expect little storms
And pithy domestic bullshit
To drown us.
We have both been taught
Separately
How to float.

Rest

2011-01-19T20:56:00.001-08:00

Please call me
So you can talk to
The back of my neck
My earlobes
My waist
The backs of my knees
My hands
My forehead
And their friends
Because they all miss you so much
That I cannot sleep
For all of their howling
I need rest
And as if I didn't know it already
I cannot rest
Without you here
Calming the places
On my body
That cry out
For you

Yours

2011-01-18T21:21:00.001-08:00

Stick your tongue inside
The places on me you own
And taste what is yours

Oh, Ice

2011-01-18T21:20:00.001-08:00

This ice drips off trees
And hits my heart. But, oh, ice
I am too in love

Laughing

2011-01-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

I love you
And, wow! That was fast
But I'm just that ass
Never cared what they asked
Of me
To patiently
Wait bend and knee
For 23 years
To confess
Whats in my chest
I've kept
Restlessly
But I'll take the blame
Go down in flames
As the flash in the pan
Romantic
And no one will need
To know our secret
That its entirely your fault
Because you captured me
Mercilessly
With persistence
I couldn't ignore
You on the dance floor
And fuck if that sounds
Systematic
Two gay addicts
In habit
Following words to a song
And sing right along
Find words, then love
So what?
So...wow.
And up until now
I've ignored the crowds
I've let them be
Let them come for me
But for this I've got you
To answer to
And since I love the truth
Here goes
I have rushed and not strolled
Because that's how I rolled
But not anymore
Now I'm steady
And what I knew before
Seems now nothing more
Than what I ignored
As they told me
I didn't know how
What I know now
Could change me
I feel like a man
Understanding
The first benefits
Offered to him
By his past
Because I finally see
How happy...is free
And shouldn't cost me
A dime
My mind
My behind
But should pay
And pay
In ways
That change
The stage
Of my play
To a place
I can feel loved
And not rushed
So lets laugh
And crash
Lets laugh
And last
Forever
And still choose to ignore
All of those boring
Orders
To ease on in
Gentle beginnings
Lets run laughing to
The stories that you
Will tell in the future
Of how we met with a bang
Loved 'til insane
And burned with a flame
That remains
How we never could hear
How fast loved appeared
Because we were too busy
Laughing

Protection

2011-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

It wasn't a whisper
Because your booming
Protective voice
Can easily soothe my butterfly
Heartbeat
But still could never
Whisper
It wasn't whispered
When you laid down beside me
And told me how much you couldn't
Wait for us to grow old together
You couldn't wait for our two children
So why would I whisper
My response?
YES!
Yes.
I will wake one day
I know
From a night of pillow talk
Just like tonight's
To the sound of our boy
Rummaging and exploring
And go to him
With you
And laugh with him
With you
At what he's gotten into
And the combination
Of the love we lacked as little boys
Ourselves
Will overwhelm
His tiny little heart
And our little girl will join us
Protected in strength
By you
And in her bold female identity
By me
She will realize with each tomboy
And girlie girl
Playtime
That she is incredible
As herself
And deserves love
Just because
We will do our best
To whisper in their ears
Each night
Just why it is
They are the center of our world
The world we created together
That night
That you spoke softly in my ear
Of forever

Enough

2011-01-14T21:26:00.000-08:00

I'm looking into your skin
That echoes out a great deal
Of the arguments you are making
For a soft, tender power
To hold the world in a headlock
Until it laughs "Enough!"
I forgot the sheets
I forgot my place
My circulation
And what we were talking about
I forgot where we were
Just now
Because of just that
Just
Now
I just remembered your skin
Again and again
While I do my best to tumble
In your warm air-fluff cycle
And remember
It will be okay
Without depending on your exhaled
Cozy reminders that
You've got my protection
My body
My heart-hunger
Covered
So that
I can
Only enjoy those life rafts
Bobbing with reassurance
Without needing them
I cling to you until
I am confident
There is no way to be closer
I make my way from your skin
To your hair
To your teeth
To your full lips
And wait forever
To finally have
Enough

Reach

2011-01-14T21:03:00.000-08:00

I sit with my eyes closed
A blank slate
Surrounded by white
And lightness
A perfect meditation
And remember
One at a time
Each note to the sound
Of the song
Of your voice
I build your image
One bend
One ripple
One vein
At a time
Paying close attention
To your lashes
Each one of each one of
Your eyes
And how they are the most magnificent
And furthest reaching...
Drawing me into your eyes
And brushing my blushing cheek
From across oceans
And thousands of miles away
Where you stand beneath
Flags waving my name
And undoubtedly reach
To brush your soft square fingers
Against them
As you walk under
A rainbow
And feel protection
As I feel protection
From the rain
I reach out to your image
Perfectly reproduced
Accurate
Heart breaking
And feel homesick
For wherever it is
You are

For You

2010-12-13T13:08:00.001-08:00

Hold me until all
This harsh wind stops blowing
And we can just be.

Audience

2010-12-09T01:01:00.000-08:00

With headphones on
I can hear your breath
They don't much stop the noises in the room, I'll admit
Because I cannot bring myself to choose a song
More beautiful than the in-and-out rhythm
Of your deep sleep breathe

I am cozy next to that rhythm
As I uncover sectioned off, members-only
Truths to you
About who you are about to start loving
About the boy-ish swerve my manhood keeps taking
And the manly way I brave my everyday
But those truths can wait
And slowly appear
As you pull the sheets over your head
And the curtain up on my life
The different actors
In different roles
All cast as myself
Will put on a show
But just know
That I will be sitting next to you in the audience
Too afraid to ask
"Well, what do you think?"

Your breath is rough and manly
Like your beard that leaves my neck raw from deep kisses
There is nothing boyish about the lover under
Sheets
Beside me
But there are gentle exhales filled with need
And dreams
And questions
While I might not have all the answers
I will be here
Beside you
And your arms
And your chest
And your worst
And your best
Showing you what I know
And resting as your pillow

Together

2010-11-21T08:23:00.001-08:00

We have forgotten
What was fought in
Case you were wondering yes
To your question
My generation has forgotten
What was fought in
The 80s by our people
All the needles
Are forgotten
But we must stop them
From what got them
Confused about the truth
Of what AIDS looks like
What it does to a life
Because so many young gays
Take way
Like...way
More than one pill a day
For pains
They aren't having
So to them grabbing
One more for health, hell
Might as well
Bare ride that tight
Ass all night
Because somewhere they were told
In the voices of cold
Enemies of us
All we do us fuck
And shoot up
Thats life for us
Thats what were told
And we hold
Onto those views
Fathers warn you to stay
Away from those gays
Lord knows one day
They'll try and fuck you
But fathers never take
Back what they say
When some day
His son says he's gay
They mostly stay
silent, away
we fear the mistake
We've just made
Because maybe
Father spoke the truth
Ten years in the future
And a boys now a man
Trying to plan
His life with a man
But don't think he can
Because he's supposed to be a slut
And sluts don't wear condoms
And nor does the truth
It speaks to you
From the past
From the fast
Times of the 80s
Where our people crashed
Into each other and dissolved
My peers aren't involved
In their story
Don't realize the glory
Of a life without the shock
Of loss after loss
While each of the best
People met death
And you wait for your own
They feel so alone
Not knowing the home
That used to be our community
They have no more unity
Aside from one common thing
Not what you'd think
Not gay
But the way
They behave
As a result of what someone they loved told them
About them
About us
The truth they need to hear
Is clear
We stand united and accept them in
To a group all the better because of them
And we care that they stay
Even if they
Dont want to play
In some naughty way
There's more to us than
What only one man
Can do with one man
It's what we can do
As a group
And what we can prevent
With a sense
That's unified
And fight
Together
Which is a word
Seldom heard
But needed.

Gift

2010-11-18T13:58:00.001-08:00

Cover me in your soft, foreign tongue
Cover every inch of this American boy
With tales of what you have learned to be the truth
As the truth in another language
Teach me how your vowels hold themselves
Against the howling rise and fall of your meter
Allow me a chance to hear the song of your language
Free of lecture or explanation
I am at the mercy of your speech
Left, pleasantly and content
In a mysterious soundscape
I will trust that
You have no intentions of insults
That your words are flattering
Or honest
I rest, with pleasure
In the modern exotic landscape
Of your speech
I ask only that you whisper softly
Everything I need to know
But you cannot say in English
What cant you tell me in my native tongue?
What about you has to be said in words I don’t understand?
If you find that there are baggages
Secrets
Issues
My fresh and tender heart cannot bear the weight of
Do not deny me honesty
Rather
Place your gifts, wrapped
At the doorstep of my forehead
My earlobes
My Adam’s apple
My lips
And leave the unwrapping
To me

Male

2010-11-18T11:43:00.001-08:00

Abortion?
I won't ever know
A child in my stomach

But I do know the gestation
Of a mystery
And that miscarriage
Over and over again
Of never realizing motherhood
But realizing
It is not
For me
To say

How Wonderful

2010-11-09T09:54:00.001-08:00

How wonderful
That you're finally paying attention
Now that I've started
Treating you like shit
But
I would
Could
Never keep this going
For your sake
Nor for mine.
And your much anticipated
Attention
Is shrouded all the more
In tragedy
Because of it's means
Now I know, certainly
That you'll never know
How wonderful...

D.C. Gays

2010-11-09T09:51:00.001-08:00

Ask me
To forgive
Your ignorance
Your materialistic puppy dog capitalisms
Your immaturity
Your insignificance
Your rancid asshole arrogance
To forgive
And ask you for
Your heart.
I dare you.

Right Here

2010-11-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

I am waiting right here
Right
Fucking
Here
Until you
Whoever
Get your lazy lover ass
Over here
And pursue me
I'm tired
You
Pursue
Me
Court me
Ask for me
Expect me
Accept the surprise of me
Appreciate me with my clothes on
The lights off
In a different room
I am in no sort of hurry
I'll wait
Right
Here.

Day 10

2010-11-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

How can I possibly
Stay atop my addiction
When I'm wearing his
Clothes instead of my own.

My Rope

2010-11-02T09:49:00.001-07:00

The tugboat should be my safety
The tugboat should be my safety
The tugboat should be my safety
Where is it taking me?
Ignoring my anchor?
Silent it pulls
Me through
Heavy dark morning wake
I was
Happy at the harbor
So quiet, so sure of itself
While, again
Again
It pulls me without consideration
But I'm still too tired
This early in the morning
To even fight
And so I cut
My rope
Goodbye
Tugboat.

Miss You

2010-09-28T13:38:00.001-07:00

You can cry if it makes you feel better
But I wish it were on my shoulders
Remember just behind your eyelids
Is a world of fairies
And kings
And queens
And time
That time
Keeps moving and walks foreword
Shaking sound trees
Creating trust-fall circles
And pushing foreword with romantic
Playful text
I remember seeing you there
Atop a bird's nest
Crawling on seat-backs
Ripping my clothes off
And laughing your way through thick smoke
And forest soundscapes
Come back
Meet me here
We'll praise the sun salutations
And play
Play behind your eyes
When they stop crying
And you meet me
In a Midsummer
Night's Dream.

Storms

2010-09-21T21:07:00.001-07:00

(For Tom Pace)

I plan to meet him on my porch during storms when someday he is gone.

We'll drink coffee at night and watch the West stay wild in the sky.

I'll throw my arm around his shoulders and together we'll write redneck haikus - each of them ending in "I suppose" or "Well, anyway."

And one day when I'm gone, we will slowly rock on the same swing, on the same porch, under the same lightning. And there will be no time. And our storms won't have to end.

As I Watch You Slowly

2010-09-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

Just how necessary are my polite apologies?
My jaw is tired from keeping the peace
And some days I'm just not sorry.

You have no idea how to leave
Your daddy in the bedroom
And there just isn't a place for him
In the living room.

As I watch you slowly
Take off you're disrespect for me
Because you're a gentleman, right?

I have learned the
Thick throbbing uncut
Hard way
That it isn't just a vagina
That makes you a whore
I am a whore because I am entered
You are young and viral
Because you enter
It is he who enters
That is free
Not me.

Pace

2010-09-14T10:58:00.003-07:00

I can either yell at the moon
Every night
For always being
Out of reach
Or
I can enjoy the view.

Sarah (Something)

2010-09-12T16:17:00.001-07:00

I sit

Watching

Holding something tight in my folded

Laced fingers

Holding a prayer, perhaps

Most likely

But also something silent and explosive

I listen through the window

To a world that cackles

And scoffs

Until it is hoarse

At the idea that somehow

There is still a chance for something classic

And beautiful

To exist

Not something tacky or vintage

Not something clichéd or overdone

But something precious and timeless

Sits graciously with patience

Inside my praying hands

And I hold my fingers loose

So as not to

Crush it

Memorize

2010-08-23T23:14:00.000-07:00

Some of the places
In your eyes
Look like they've never stopped crying
And I don't want to stop them
From crying anymore
I want to stand next to you
And let you choose to
Bury your eyes in my bony shoulders
While my shirt gets warm with the tears
And deep gulps for air
I want to look, reassuring to
Some of the places
In your eyes
That shine a light so harsh with joy
That I smile when you are crying
And remind you how much better you feel
After a good, deep sob.
There are plenty of places to laugh
And reasons to cry
In this world
But I've only been to
Some of those places
And if only you would join me
I would ask only to laugh in your light
And wear your tears on my shoulders.

Come In

2010-08-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

If you think you might
Be moving away from me
Soon
If my body is more than a few breathing inches
From yours
When we lay together
If our wide-eyed, bewildered
Chance meeting
A passionate one
And then two
Night stand
Was just that
A night stand
Holding no more than condoms and lube
Please tell me now.
I can pick myself up from disappointment
And walk forward with intrigue
But I cannot live in mystery.
You do not know me, but
Wondering if I am loved
Tends to be a theme
In my life
And you have no idea
How terrible the consequences
Really are
I beg you
Know me
So I don't have to know
Again that anxious
Questioning.

All the Time

2010-08-23T22:09:00.002-07:00

When I think about Love
I think about You
But
I don't think about Love
All the time.

They Tell Me of Saints

2010-08-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

All I know
Is that if I can't be with you
I will spend the rest of my life looking
For someone who looks
Sounds
Behaves
As you do
And if god put you on this earth
A straight man
And I a gay man
In some cruel joke
It means no less that I am yours
But only that I will spend
My days and nights beside you
In love
And friendship
And never kissing you
Not knowing you in my arms
Never touching you
In that way
Will be my penance
And I will die a martyr
But they tell me of saints
Martyrdom is a must
And so I will die
Saint Pace
The Patron Saint of Peace
Because I cannot stop smiling

Preposition

2010-08-13T13:36:00.001-07:00

I want to be over it
And above it
And beyond it
I’ve been trying to scale it
Swim through it
Rebuild it
And task-force my way through it
But the reality is I just can’t keep going
If I don’t know that, one day, I’ll be done
I keep wondering what
Tactics I should use
What leadership I need to possess
What think-tanks I need to assemble
To finish this
However
Every time I begin I am instantly halted
By the inability to tell myself that there will be
An eventuality
I want so badly to be beyond this
Around it
Through it
On the other side of this
I want so badly to
Taste life as it was
And as it will be once again
But even better for all the struggle
And chaos of this journey
I want to know what a golden sunset will look like
Dripping down between the hills on the other side of this
But there are no promises made to me
To let me know that anytime soon
I will write about something
I will begin something
Create something
Start something
Finish something
Instead
All I’m given
Are to-do lists
Listed one through
One billion
Every bullet point the same:
Go Through This
Work Your Way Through This
Make It Through
Survive
Hold On
Get Better
Be Better
I’m exhausted at the idea of stagnation
And too tired to realized how exhausted
I really am.

Timelessness

2010-08-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

Don't you dare give me immortality
I am a poet
And without my brief time
Coming with a deadline
I can see nothing
A poet is her generations property
And timelessness has given up her child
To the cause
To live forever would be to knock
The words out of me
With a certain blow to the stomach
And I would rather die
Than to know this world through
Any other eyes.

Jeremy Pace Allen Ginsberg Poetry Project

2010-08-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

5 Poems

2010-08-12T20:14:00.001-07:00

I Want A Man I Can Take A Shower With - Video

2010-08-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

If I Were a Straight Man - Video

2010-08-12T20:12:00.001-07:00

Some Fuckin' Choice - Video

2010-08-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

I Said Let Go - Video

2010-08-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

Eclipse

2010-08-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

They left me in the dark
But I am the moon
They lose.
And as I looked to
The shadowed dirt
Of the shattered earth
They took away my sidewalk where they gave me shade
And the rough terrain
Cancels my escape
By pushing me to lanes
The more I try to stay
Where I'm good and safe
The hotter it is getting.

What's The T?

2010-08-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

They look the same
From far away
Trans and gay
But still you say
That's not me
You shoot yourself in the foot
Just trying to put
Yourself first
Display the worst
Of the other side's fight
Trying to break free
Of the T
But GLB
Can never say 'we'
Are family
When we treat
Our kin
Like some sort of sin
That's what they've said to us
And all of a sudden
Stonewall is null and void
While we try to employ
Our deepest deny
Of the the first brick's flight
Thrown at Stonewall
From the hand that we call
A freak
From the hand of a queen
Dressed in drag
It's a fact
Worth remembering
And we are in her court
Try and move forth
Without her voice
And you'll fall flat
Just spinning your wheels
People, we need heels
To get ourselves from this mud
And be it Trans or AIDS
This is our blood
We must love
Ourselves before we can move
To a new
Day
Without these mistakes
So below us
This is a fight for love
Every kind we can get
And when it comes to the T
We cannot forget.

I Said Let Go

2010-07-27T00:31:00.000-07:00

There was a country song on
When I was a young
Boy that, like many do-it-yourself bullshit pop-up McSongs are
On the radio today
Was a list of what the average, everyday
Common man goes through
In his (and I mean his, not hers, mind you)
Long lived life
When lived just right
The chorus declared
From the town square
That you gotta ‘get you some’
Then they’d tell you the what
First money, then love, then babies…then done
Like many other people in this country, and time
I was raised below a line
The poverty kind
The lovely lower class
Watching middle class asses
Sit on my glass
Ceiling and pass
Giant plates of food
Past
Our grasping hands to
Each other
As a boy I’d take in
The bottom of their chins
As they’d shit again
On what was given
To them
And looked with longing to
The next glass they knew
The one that gave view
Of the upper crusted puppets
Controlled, but free
I was told I had to get me some money
But unlike the rest
Of this generation’s best
I said fuck
Money
And I’ll say it again
FUCK MONEY
And if there are those that agree
That were born free
To say it with me
The freedom to see
Wrapped in a box with holes and slashes
Called lower class
But actually a fantastic
Gift. Then say it with me
Fuck. Money.
And if I hear
Out here
In the city I live
Another song
With this
Insistence
That I chase more bills
And get more thrills
From big oil spills
And more credit card bills
Then I swear I will
Rip every radio from the walls
Until there’s no noise at all
But the penniless artist
On the corner with guitar
Waiting for his call
From the companies that started
This whole fucking case
In the first place
Every twenty something
Needs to be free
Of this bullshit noise
Of dollars and coins
And just live on a dime
Free Ninety Nine
And no tax
But that
Wasn’t all I was told
I had to get, hold
Onto
Part two
I was told to get love
Had to get me some
But the love of doves from above
Wrapped in charms and arms
Bullshit cheap rhymes
Bored my mind
And made my eyes
Dry
And bleed
I have always needed
Something more than that gnat
That flies around splat
And hits you in the eye
While you blink and you cry
And your lids
Bring it
To what it wanted all along
A sad country song,
And a death from a blink
Before you could think
How gross
The whole
Process really was
Fuck love
The ‘gotta have it’ just cuz
Kind at least
Don’t bother me
With your bullying
Insistence I scorn
A life lived alone
For any period of time
When I
Alone, am just fine
With my own set of rhymes
Much better than lovey doves
From above
But instead from below
From a place I know
To be real and alone
And while I know
I will love as I go
I will never feel bad
For flying solo
Just cuz they said so
And since I’m on a roll
There’s one more part of me
That felt the sting
From these
The part three
Gotta get you some…babies
No
I
Don’t
And neither do you
Ever traveled to India?
I’m guessing Mr. country song hasn’t yet, have ya?
Well let me tell you firsthand what I was lucky to see
Lucky said meaning luckily
I am me
A queer and so I don’t have to submit
To the bullshit pressure to make more kids
A woman’s got enough
Shit that is tough
To have to live with
Without being forced to make more kids
They can also grow
Ideas that will show
You things you’d never know
You didn’t even know
So
If you wanna chillax
Take a step back
And say ‘Damn there’s a lot of us’
You can trust
That I’ll be on your side
Keeping your mind
Clear
Of fear
That you’re missing your chance
Because you’re giving one too
The chance to
The earth to finally breathe
Taking gulps from the gulfs
Covered deep in debris
And it’s just the way
I see myself play
A role in this place
But mother earth gives more every time we take
Keeps sending more queers into this place
To take care of kids who don’t have a space
To play
And call their own
And you can fight it if you want
But we’re a place to call home
And all the while songs tell boys like me
That I’m somehow wrong for existing
But I’m finished with songs from that country
And it seems since the start they were finished with me
But so long as we sing
As loud and bring
Our selves to the ring
If this is a fight you gotta miss
Its worth TiVoing
And so long as I live
I will not let this
Musical attack
Keep coming back
To stop dead in our tracks
Anyone else like me
Who doesn’t see
Why we all must be
Exactly
The same. Enough to write in a song
Just three minutes long
And loud enough to hold
A hand over throats
And squeeze them closed
I promise to go
To the source and stand bold
From a voice that rings cold
And tell them so
I said let go.
I said
Let go.

Earning

2010-07-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm flying with wings
That were given to me
By a couple that thought
That they'd forgotten
My birthday
I'm flapping as fast
As my back muscles
Will allow
And I don't know how
But I'm East bound
And dead set
I will get
To my home
The place that I know
I'm supposed to be
I gave myself freedom
This 4th of July
To get up off my
Ass and just try
Fly
And hover
Throw off the covers
To hell with the sheets
Stop this damned sleep
Walking circle and leap
And they gave it to me
The chance to see
How lucky I am
My family
They will never say what
They need to but
I'll accept anyway
And silently say
"I know. It's okay.
I forgive you."
But not for your sake
Because its not about them anymore
Before I'm 24
I will live to be
Totally free
Totally me
At 23
The loneliness I felt
Alone by myself
Turned into time
I used to find
Every part of me
That was potentially
Going to write a poem
And act
And make friends
Open doors
Ask for more
And make ends
My dad once threw
Me straight into
The deep end of a pool
And those ripples still move
As waves into
The shores of worlds
Away from my home
And I ride them alone
But now never lonely
Because of that which was born
Among the corn fields
Staring at walls
Wishing to be called
Talented, special, good
Hoping mom would
Spend the same time
And money on my
Life she did my
Father's demise
And that the smoke that would rise
From his Marlboro's eye
Would stifle his cries
For attention
Most parent's always hope
One day they'll slowly
Stop being able to help with your homework
They hope you'll be too smart
And, bless their hearts
But mine couldn't wait
For the day
That we could tell them
Exactly when
They were acting like kids
And needed to begin
Changing their ways
And stop misbehaving
They hoped to raise
Little parents one day
But I'd hoped as a kid
That they'd ever begin
Supporting me first
My god was I thirsty
In that salt water sea
Where dad left me
But now I'm afloat
Hell, now I'm a-fly
And as I look down on them from the sky
I cry
Freshwater tears and give them a drink
Some time to think
An image of me
Not letting my past
Dictate my actions
Anymore, and watching me grow
In what I've known
To be a real home
Within myself, and people I chose
To actually know
The real version of me
Born of the sea
And earning his keep
Gliding, sweetly
As they whisper 'wow'
At seeing me plow
Through the clouds
And forgive them.

Ode to Morning Birds

2010-05-09T23:50:00.001-07:00

I hear you.
And although its never the same song
Twice
I always listen.
Goodnight.

Cause

2010-05-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

Why would a sagging mattress keep
The conversation in such a nagging time

As to press cold and sobering
Against my comfort slumber?

There is not a man there who shields
The winter breeze blasting from a fan

I put the fan in front of my face
I cannot fall asleep alone

If your Indian summer arms cannot solution
I will not as well surrender the winter'ed cause

I will curl tight into a ball and press
My arms into the chest that chose to leave summer behind.

Moon (Part One and Two)

2010-05-04T22:54:00.001-07:00

MORE TO COME!!!!

Moon

I.

When I got here
Things were falling from limbs with
A pacified, tried and true breeze
To a place of warm, wishful thinking
I got here arriving at a solace
Of relief just after America’s
Violent segue, metamorphosis
Overwhelming
When finally breaths were exhaled
I arrived with such a setting sun
And an awakening of visions
Lit only by the electric luminescent
Insistence of entitled, surface-value
Ethno-centrism
Lit only in the shadows by
The honest to god moonlight
I arrived, watching the ideas
That our rambling television sets
Tell us what we are doing
As the Rodney King police force
Rang sirens in our ill-lit streets

The afternoon before my arrival
Saw the birth of a million sock
Stuff gagging ex-indie-viduals
Who’d ‘learned their lesson’
Wanted to chill out at the mall
And recently developed the ability to turn off
The left over dope still shaking
From their once lifted in exaltation
Now firmly clutching a 9 to 5
Roundabout by the briefcase handed
Hands
I watched as slowly the next
Generation, my generation
Tip toed with smiles through
The Rube Goldberg mousetrap
Candied land they were born into
And leapt towards a crucial decision

They had either to hump furiously for cheese
Promised to them on the loudspeakers
Booming in the cage
Or hold tight, eat their hunger pains
And clasp their ears while screaming
Watched the sun set on a chapter
Of tensions fought out on a field of black and white
Void of grey
The television screaming
WAR IS OVER
In a different red banner every night
Made with blood each time
Watched the relief sigh its way through the suburbs
Before turning into a crackpipe scream in the city
I was settling into a world finally acquainted to its lovely
Things to which time could now be devoted
Seeing as our troubles were gone
People found it harder to see
When I was first meeting them

II.

When I got to my rightful place among the clouds
Flying so high my eyeballs felt like deserts flinging stinging sand specks
My mouth awaiting a violent relationship with water
My lungs wheezing the smog of a city
Built on the lethargy of youth derailed
The walls of my chest stained from
Pizza sauce and bong water
But nothing prepared me for the
Laws of my sky ride
The clouds of cigarette smoke exhaled from
My father's kingdom of the 60s.
The powerful taboo making the puff motion
More popular than the dick suck
The constant battles fought and bonfires
Built on the grounds of my landscape
Sent up a wave of noise telling me not
To inhale the relieving clouds of optimism
Followed directly and completely by
Those very delicious smoke signals.

Bucket

2010-04-05T23:44:00.003-07:00

I am beside myself
But we have nothing to say
What I thought I knew so well

Has crept on paws to meet
With distracting incompletion
I am beside myself

Waiting for him to come join
This lonely pool of wisher's coins
What I thought I knew so well

Has trapped me waiting to expect
What I'm sure I thought would come next
I am beside myself

And soon with a sense of peace
I'll find solace in my bucket seat
What I thought I knew so well

My fingers, shaking, await their cue
The chime to turn to chapter two
I am beside what I thought I knew
So well. I am myself.

K Street

2010-04-05T23:44:00.001-07:00

We're always two weeks away
From a place thats so dark
that they

Think that they know so well
Why she would
Choose this hell.

But I know as I
Watch her smoke
Exhale in sighs

That she feels that round
This corner
She'll be found.

I see her take her walk
To cars
And tell them to park.

Its been much more than two weeks
And she feels
That she brought defeat

No one stands outside
With cold sores
In the night

And picks up the knifes
Dropped down
By lonely lives

Thinking with stains
They're cleaning
That they

Ever possessed the teeth
To bite down and hold on
To just two weeks.

Shine

2010-04-05T23:43:00.001-07:00

I have seen the greatest minds of my generation
Dumbfounded with shock at a power's outage
Comfortably sacrifice their own.

Listless amid inseams and wanton
Frugal with their sincerities
Crowning heads from dilated inverse

Canals. I have seen the greatest minds of my generation.
I watch them for some things in their steps hoping
There is something unique about their whole to

Impress the deeper of my diamond shine
Coral reefer
Madness. I have seen the greatest minds

Of my generation. I am yet to
See them
Shine.

Too Busy

2010-03-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

Since I was a young artist
One of the few fortunate enough
To not simply ignore
The calls and cries of capitalism
That beg the attention of pubescence
But instead, also, to focus
On something else entirely
I have noticed reoccurring themes
Little moments a director
May or may not have purposefully placed
In the biopic of my life
As yet to be determined
By a class of film students
Decades into the future
But either way existing for certain
The most common of these themes
Being the number 23
Its presence among the greatest moments
And I say greatest
From a platform of objectivity
Not better or worse
But greatest
Moments in my life

I have found myself looking for 23
They way I look for love or enlightenment

I find myself learning each time
That love and enlightenment appear
Only when, truly, I am too busy to look for them

He Can See

2010-03-08T00:23:00.001-08:00

And though it may sound cold to put it like this
My tears moonwalk back to my eyelids
Cause I get so sick
Of the sickness he gets
From the dirt cheap cigs
That he sticks on his lips
Was a time when his kids
Got a goodnight kiss
Now we men and women
Get frustrated
Every time he flips the lid
Of his hard-pack cigs
Sending sounds
Through the house
Of a coffin hinge
My tears reverse step
Up the cheeks they were wept
Cause I got no concept
Of promises kept
My tears they were wet
Now my face burns red
For addiction that led
To a cancerous spread
And the worst? Picture this
If you can in your head
I feel this way
As I crave
My own cigarette

I give myself time limits
Set aside a few minutes
And like a mother of five
I gotta schedule time
To think about this shit
To feel about this shit
Because I’ll be damned
If this young man
Hasn’t seen this shit before
Knockin’ down doors
Beggin’ everyone I know
Tell me where to go
‘Cause I get so low
I have my face to the street
And all I can see
Is what’s there beneath
So I ration off time
To drift to my
Darkest acknowledgments
Of this:
He has cellular cancer
They cannot cure it.
He has less than a year to live.
And your whole world is about to change
The roles have been made
Up all over again
Now it’s up to him
Say next where to go
A father’s still your father
Cancer or no
And when you light up that smoke
Your heart drops so low
Because that's what he chose
And it’s not supposed
To be the road
You go
And I’ve been here before
My senior fuckin’ year
Small town queers
Just didn’t appear
The be a real
Choice
Too much noise
Over one little queer
Only thing clear
That’s different here
But I fear
Mom and Dad said through tears
The deadline was near
They were movin’ out here
Into the small town sphere
They made it clear
That they had no way
To create
Money that they
Would need to pay
All the bills that were here
So 'We're sorry, dear...
But come with us or stay
Either way
We leave today"
And my senior year
Had just got severe
So I chopped off my balls
Turned off all
The lights so to call
A sleep
From deep
Inside of me
That would graduate early
And not take his walk
And turn to the streets because he was taught
That all you need
Is creativity
And yes indeed
You are a hippy
And between Dad and me
There was nothin’ could be
Sweeter
So I tried to chase free
Until I was to meet
My tail
And well, hell
Sometimes to stand out
I stood so far out
That now I’d found
A different crowd
And they smoke weed and they drink
And everything that I think
Is amazing
But you begin
To descend
And the lines all blend
I woke up mid-bend
Over but then
Stopped asking him
About good intentions
And told him to come pick me up
With mom in the truck
That enough was enough
And that I wanted
To come home
And I began to refuse
What I know I could do
But didn’t have a clue
As to why I would do
When it’s easier to
Not
I stayed in my bed
Every now and then fed
My growling insides
But mostly I
Just slept
I kept
Myself in sheets
Asleep
For nine months
And long story short
I got back on course
And now I move towards
Better days
But there is one thing
Making me think
That this new news
Could cause an abuse
To what I rescued
From the claws
Of a previous depression
And this one strikes a cord
That for me is still sore
Because the vocal cords
That were stored
Down below
Got caught up in cancer
And now I can’t hear him say
“Son it’s bout time I tell you today
I’m sorry that I taught you this way
That a pack a day
Won’t steal you away
From a mind you just got
To satisfy lots
Of dangerous thoughts
Into obey.
I raised you this way
Was raised this way
And inside me was hope that you’d speak someday
From a place that was real
Maybe made a few deals
With the devil for meals
But never revealed
That your fingers were crossed
All along
I took my life and I took my time
Now you seem just fine
But we both know inside
You scream out those rhymes
Until you can find
That place in your mind
Where everything’s fine
And I’m sorry if I
Have helped you decline
Back into a place
You worked hard everyday
To escape
I’m sorry you seek
From everybody
Advice how to beat
This addiction disease
And god knows that I see
What it’s done to me.”
Now he can see
Now
He can see.
When I came up to his knee
Skinny as could be
11 maybe
There was a time
When my father went blind
In his eyes
Said he’d never see again
Said he needed a cane
Cut to present day
He throws glasses away
Because they
Are too much for his eyes
He is just fine
With reading glasses
But now he’s lost his voice
And he’s got no choice
But to see and not speak
And more than ever, to hear
I leave my words at his ears
And turn my crazy shit
Into something sounds like a proud boy of his
With eyes that sit
Inside of a kid
Next to ears that hear
Like it’s
Delicious
And a mind that can say
I made a mistake
Got put the Camels down
Stand up off the ground
Dust off, and look round
And see the world of his
Has changed a bit
And now that its
My time to live
I can tell that it’s…
Been a minute
And time’s up for today
I’ve got to retreat
Spread the tears out for as a long as I need
And pick my place
Like I never was strayed
Get back to going, but I have to say
It might seem odd to ask him to stay
When it’s clearly his time anyway
But as smart as I know I will be someday
For now I get caught lost and I pray
That he’ll be able to bargain himself the days
It takes to convince me it’ll all be okay
I know where I’m headed for now anyway
And I know I can trust myself not to stray
But I’m headed where I’m headed
Because he made me this way

Couplets, Accent/Alliteration, Cinquain Experiment

2010-03-01T07:25:00.001-08:00

Original Poem:

Stretching

I miss the colors of your bed sheets wrinkled in the bends of you
Whenever I lounge around on pajama bottom days
I miss the way your torso hands the conversation
Over to your thighs
Whenever I walk miles with heavy backpacks
In directions that are not toward you
I hear you brushing your teeth in my dreams
But I wake to find myself much further from your bathroom
Than across the hall
Still I throw the backpack to the ground
And stretch my legs
Brush my teeth
And slip into bed
Knowing that every once in a while
I will slip perfectly into your complimentary
Curves and bends
Agreeing with your body
And soak up moments to miss

Couplets
I miss the color of your sheets in bends
Of you and me - I cannot see our ends

I miss the way your torso hands the mic
Over to your ever thankful soft thighs

Whenever I walk miles with my heavy
Bags that seem to nowhere near you lead

Whenever I am ‘sleep I hear you brush
Your teeth but wake and run to hallway – rush

I find myself again left all alone
It was a dream and you still are not home

Accentual/Alliterative
I miss the colors of your quilts
I miss the bends defending themselves
Against the onslaught of our skin
I carry backpacks that have
Nothing but forgotten heavy things
All over this never ending map
Realize that I am rarely led towards
You. I am rarely headed
Towards your quilts
And how they bend to receive you.

Cinquain (Crapsey Style)
I watch
The way your sheets
Creep themselves into our
Resting, stress-free silhouettes and
Hold on.

Hush

2010-02-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

In response to Kay Ryan’s ‘Theft’

Hush.

We knock
Our thoughts
Against the rocks
Of on-off
Again, on-off
Again shots
At getting caught

But how to unlock?
Do we want to get caught?
Is it that we’ve sought
Something forgotten?
Or is it more of a top
To what has been thought bottomless?

Shelter/The Doors

2010-02-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

Shelter

Who will help when headstrong
Winds come whipping through
The prairie, but our prayers?
Who will build a shelter?
Who will tell you when it is time
To tunnel beneath the surface?
If you have pushed me
Like a thick mound of leaves
And topsoil
To the riverbed to be dragged
Away by the current
That is coiled, waiting
To suck me under
With a force that only echoes
The windswept fetches
Sent for you and yours

You have been warned

The Doors

There must be
Billions of us
It seems sitting here
Grinning ear to ear
Waiting just to hear
If the other lost his shit
We are waiting for it
Changing little things
Just before we go
Based solely on the faces
They are making as
They walk out of those doors
But some of us
Are safe
Some of us are
Never going to get a part
And they are
Well aware of that
And so
Are we
And so
Is he
But they still go
Into those doors
And belt out
As loud
As they can
The best they can muster
And we clap
All the louder
Because that’s the only
Place there is
To start.

By Any Means

2010-02-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

Poetry is the sound
Of a drip faucet
Sink splash
Eliciting temple-beating annoyances
From your cloud-soft pillow
That might just
Piss you off
Might just make you
Need to piss
Instantly
But is not
By any means
Going away
Until you get up
And fix it.

The Poems I am Going to Write

2010-01-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

Oh I know the poems I am going to write

My god the poems

What they will say

What they will discover

The box that I dare not open

Is chock full of parts of me I don't care for

Unpleasant gulps for air on

Awkward crowded Metro rides

When the right song comes onto my earphones

And I fight back tears that tease my eyelashes

Yet never commit to the rolling down my cheeks

And worst

It contains the only harsh truths about life

That I have no exciting interest in

I glare at that box taunting me from across the room with the bare wood floor

With a blinking-out light bulb swinging from a chain

That exists within my head for moments like this

When I am cornered into dealing

With the undeniable

I am not looking with any sort of expectations

Towards the poems I am going to write

I don't hope that they save me

I don't yearn for answers or solace from them

I ask only that they come when I need them

And that I remain afloat amid whatever

Dark and murky waters might very well

Flow forth in gushes from that dark box

I am prepared to walk, surrounded by everything I can grab

That suggests a constant in my life

And as I look with sighs at my wall calendar

I can see the dates of major events and

Even greater poems

Burn themselves into different days of the months

Floating, but never settling

Always calling me to remember the impending

And take stock of the explanations I have harvested and gathered

In the development

So that I can know

What the retrospective analysis

Will sound like.

Done

2009-11-11T02:47:00.001-08:00

And so when you are finished

Searching for the perfection

Promised to you by a group of leaders

Whom tell you every day out right

That they are lying to you

When the girl on television with impossible

Physique under a pound of butter cream

Foundation standing with no bearings

Weakly on her own...

When the hairless mole rat six pack

Or perfectly predatory hairless pecks

Stop making you feel as though its your job

To look daily like a photoshopped

Airbrushed multimedia project

If you are finally finished dipping your drool

Into a gallon carton of Mocha Swirl

Java Cup emotions

Drool from the most extreme show on television

Making miracles look like painful

Mutations to the body you call home

And the life story you call your face

If you are

Done

Then I will be here waiting

To walk you through a world of moving on

Freeing yourself to a status of humanity

Exclusively

And taking in the wonders rarely offered

As well as those always present

In this

Already too short

Life

Echoed

2009-10-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

If screams

And keels over into fetal positions curled tight

If wincing lemon faces ripped from lion faces

And listings of higher powers

"Jesus Christ God Oh My God!"

Can somehow result in the birth of something infantile

And totally new

But not always human

Then the babe would be lovers

Across time

The cries let out from the greatest lovers

Most powerful in their passions

Most passionate in their powers

Sow seeds of lovers' moans

To be harvested when, again, in time

The same caliber of romantic thigh twitching

And eye-rolling is created and echoed

Let the kings and queens of the past know

That a cornucopia and bountiful feast

Is taking place in our bedroom

On our sheets

While our movements knock

Shakespeare's sonnets and Dickinson's letters

From your nightstand

Know Better

2009-10-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

Something inside of me

Knows better than to

Second guess the tingles that creep

Up the back of my arms

When you answer the phone

With a hello

Spoken through a smile

Secrets, Secrets

2009-10-16T06:04:00.001-07:00

Never, ever, ever tell me

That you feel the same

Please, despite your gestures

And soft poet kisses

And arms capable of wrapping the entire military industrial complex

Up into a bear hug

Despite your tongue reaching for swirls of cozy sweatpants days

Hidden somewhere in our familiar kisses

Do not tell me how you feel

Do not let me know

I am forever in awe of making sure

You know exactly how I feel

And creating masterpieces in the honor of the off

slight, shot in the dark long shot chance

That you might feel even half as safe

And correct as I feel when I am wrapped up in you.

I need the mystery.

I want to be forever in the dark

Where we can mold our bodies together

While I forever ask you

Read it again

Blasted

2009-10-09T05:28:00.001-07:00

They shot a missile into the moon today

One rocket penetrated the moon at 7:30 our time

The second waited, starring for four minutes until it collided

Reawakening and recreating all the dust and chaos

Of just four minutes earlier

I look at my list of tasks piling up like warheads

And make a list of what all reminds me of you

A paper about a poet you introduced me to

Researching our fate had we been born different times

Would you words still as sweet rest on my shoulders?

And responding to a nation

Awake at 7:30 our time

Watching with telescopes a tiny offensive penetration

Of a virgin chunk of rock

As though they didn't know

Or didn't care

That the moon created us

That the moon is our bedroom chandiler

As gentle and precious as a time zone

Or a national border

Or a distance between earth and the moon

Myself and your chest

Myself and my pillow

For sleeping under the moon.